"The New Age Man"

Episode 18 – The New Age Man

What does it mean to be a man today?

The answer isn't as simple as it used to be.

From the fathers we grew up watching on television to the realities of modern life, the expectations placed on men have changed—but the responsibility has never gone away.

In Episode 18 of The Cost of Culture, Chris explores the evolution of manhood through the lens of culture, fatherhood, mental health, social media, relationships, and legacy. What does it mean to provide, protect, lead, and remain emotionally healthy in a world that constantly changes the definition of success?

This episode dives into:

• The evolution of manhood from past generations to today
• Lessons from iconic television fathers
• The pressure to provide and protect
• Men's mental health and the stigma of vulnerability
• How social media shapes expectations and self-worth
• Fatherhood, mentorship, and the legacy we leave behind
• What today's men are teaching the next generation

Featuring heartfelt voice messages from fathers sharing what being a dad truly means, this conversation is a reminder that being a man isn't about having all the answers—it's about continuing to grow, show up, and carry the responsibilities that matter most.

Whether you're a father, a son, a mentor, or simply someone trying to become a better man than you were yesterday, this episode is for you.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast platform. It helps The Cost of Culture reach more listeners and keeps these conversations growing.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Everybody wants to let it be.

SPEAKER_05 0:07

Nobody talks about the So what does it mean to be a man today? I'm not talking about from the 70s or the 90s or even the early 2000s. I'm talking right now. I asked that question because somewhere along the way the job description changed. I mean, don't get me wrong, men still have to provide, protect, lead, keep it together. But now, we also have to heal, be available emotionally, be successful financially, be, you know, strong mentally, be present fathers, be great partners, be vulnerable, but not too vulnerable. Somewhere between the old school man and the modern man is a generation trying to figure it out. And that's what we're talking about today. Let's get into the show. What's going on everybody, and welcome back to the cost of culture. I'm your host Chris, and man, it feels good to be back behind the microphone. First things first, I know I've been gone for a few weeks, but life been life, man. I've been working, been moving, handling responsibilities, you know, just trying to stay sane in the hole. And most importantly, making sure that when I come back, I actually have something worth talking about. Because one thing I never want to do is turn this mic on and just hear myself talk. If I'm gonna take your time every week, I want to make sure I'm bringing something meaningful to the table every single time. So for everybody that's been checking in, for everybody that's been supporting, for everybody that's been listening, I say thank you. I haven't forgot about y'all, and hopefully y'all ain't forgot about me. I've got some good things coming to the cost of culture. Some new ideas, some new conversations, and hopefully some opportunities that will take this platform to another level. But today, we're talking about something that doesn't get discussed enough. What it means to be a man today. Because the rules have changed, the expectations have changed, the pressure has changed, but somehow the responsibility remains the same. So whether you're a father, a husband, a son, or just a man trying to figure life out one day at a time, this episode's for you. Let's get into it. Let's take a trip through time. When you look at TV fathers from different generations, you can almost see how society viewed men during those times. Back in the day, James Evans from The Good Times. Hardworking father doing everything he could to keep food on the table. I mean, life wasn't glamorous, money was tight, and opportunities were hella slim. But if you worked hard, took care of your family, and stayed present, you were respected. I mean, the expectation wasn't luxury, the expectation was survival. Then came the 90s, Carl Winslow from Family Matters. He was a police officer, a father, a husband, a protector, and a provider. I mean the responsibilities were still there, but now fathers were expected to be more emotional. Not just pay bills, but be present, guide your children, be active in their lives, you know, the whole nine. Then you had Uncle Phil. He was a judge, a husband, a father, a provider, a protector, and a mentor. The thing about Uncle Phil is he wasn't just raising his own children, he helped raise his nephew also. That's something we don't talk about enough. The impact of a man who shows up, a man who guides, teaches, corrects, and a man who loves. Because fatherhood isn't always biological. And sometimes it's mentorship, it's coaching, sometimes it's simply just being present when somebody needs direction. I mean, in my opinion, Uncle Phil represented a version of manhood that balanced strength and compassion. He could command a courtroom, then come home and teach life lessons at the dinner table. And honestly, that's a powerful combination. Then we arrive to today, the modern man, trying to balance career, relationships, fatherhood, mental health, finances, purpose, and identity. And social pressure is at an all-time high. Many men today aren't just trying to survive, they're trying to survive while figuring themselves out. So let me ask you a question. Have the expectation of men changed? Or have they simply multiplied? Because today's man has to be everything. Like I mentioned earlier, strong, successful, present, available, financially stable, a great father, a great husband, a great leader, you know, the works. And somehow, you're supposed to do all that without dropping the ball? Sounds pretty insane to me, but social media hasn't exactly helped. Because somewhere along the way, women started measuring men by income instead of impact. I mean, a hardworking man used to be admired. Now social media can make a man making good money feel like he's bottom of the barrel. And if you scroll long enough, you'll suddenly see everybody owns luxury cars. They have luxury homes, they take luxury vacations, everybody's relationship is fucking perfect, everybody making six figures. Or at least that's what they want you to believe, because back then, many women wanted a hardworking family man. Now, today, some corners of the internet, somewhere in the world, make it seem like if a man doesn't make six figures, he's invisible. Now, is that reality? Not always. But perception influences culture. Culture influences expectation, and expectation creates pressure. And if we're being honest, some men feel like they're running a race where the finish line just keeps moving. Something I think about often is nobody really prepared men for the world we're living in now. I mean, most of us were raised by parents and grandparents who lived in completely different times. They taught us what worked for them. Work hard, stay loyal, take care of your family, keep your word. And those lessons still matter, but today's world moves differently. Technology moves differently, relationships definitely move differently, communication moves differently, the workplace is different, dating is different, parenting is different. Many men are trying to follow old rules in a completely different game. And that's where the frustration begins. Because the blueprint we were handed doesn't always match the world we're living in. I mean, when I was younger, I thought adulthood was freedom. Nobody told us adulthood would be spending half of our lives trying to become the men we thought we were already were. Nobody told us how heavy responsibility would feel. Nobody told us that sometimes success would come slower than expected. Nobody told us we'd spend years figuring out ourselves by trying to convince everyone else that we already got it figured out. That's the part nobody talks about. And before we keep going, let's take a moment to shout out today's sponsor, Para Thieves. Now listen, if you're anything like me, life stays moving. Whether it's work, family, recording a podcast, moving into a new place, or simply trying to keep up with life, comfort matters. That's why I rock with Para Thieves. Their socks, underwear, and everyday essentials are built for people who stay on the move, are comfortable, breathable, durable, and they actually look good. So if you're looking to upgrade your everyday essential, check out Para Thieves. Now let's get back to the conversation. Many of us grew up hearing the same things. Stop crying, man up, be tough, walk it off, don't show weakness. And eventually we learn how to suppress emotion before we learn how to process them. Many men know how to hide pain, but never learn how to heal from it. A lot of men aren't okay. They're just quiet. They're carrying stress, pressure, anxiety, fear, and responsibility. And because they're the strong one, nobody acts how they're doing. Sometimes being the strong one becomes its own burden. The world often assumes men are fine. Even when we're drowning, some men don't need advice, some men don't need criticism, some men simply need a safe place to be honest. Now let's talk about something nobody likes discussing. Loneliness. Because being surrounded by people doesn't mean you're not lonely. I mean, men have many friends, you know, family, relationships, co-workers, and can still feel completely alone. Why you ask? Because many men don't feel safe talking about what they're carrying. I mean, we'll joke about it, we'll laugh about it, we'll hide it, but rarely discuss it. Men are often celebrated for being useful, but rarely ask how they're doing. Pause and think about that for a second. Men are often celebrated for being useful, but rarely ask how they're doing. And when your value becomes tied to what you provide, it can become difficult, you know, just feeling worthy when you're struggling. Now, this is the area where I call this social media in modern mind. I call it that because social media can help men. I mean, it can help motivate, teach, connect, and inspire. But with all that, it can also destroy perspective because comparison never sleeps. I mean, there's always somebody richer, somebody stronger, somebody more successful, somebody has more followers than you, somebody has a better lifestyle. And if you're not careful, you'll spend so much time watching everyone else succeed that you will stop appreciating your own journey. I mean, the truth is, most people only post the wins. They never post the L's. They rarely post the setbacks. They rarely post the nights where they question themselves. I say this to say, don't compare your reality to someone else's highlight reel. So one thing I've realized lately is that the older I get, the less life becomes about me. I mean, every move I make now has somebody's future attached to it. I'm talking every decision I'm in, every sacrifice, every hour I work. I mean, I can honestly relate to that right now because these last few weeks have been busy working, moving, trying to build a podcast, trying to be present to my family, trying to build something bigger than myself. And sometimes it's exhausting because people see the episode, they hear the finished product, but they don't always see the prep. I'm talking the late nights, the editing, the planning, the learning, and the sacrifices. And honestly, I feel like fatherhood falls into all that also. People don't always see the work, they just see the results. I mean, being a provider isn't just about money, it's leadership, guidance, protection, consistency, showing up, keeping your word, being dependable, and sometimes carrying burdens no one else sees. I mean, a lot of men are fighting battles they'll never post online. A lot of men are figuring things out while pretending they already have the answers, you know what I mean? A lot of men are exhausted but keep moving because they know somebody else is depending on them. So what are we teaching the next generation? I ask because every generation of men leave something behind. The question is, what are we leaving behind for the next one? Because our sons are watching, our daughters are watching. Think about that for a second. They're watching how we respond to pressure, how we communicate, how we love, how we recover from failure, how we treat people. They watch everything. So maybe the goal isn't raising tougher sons, maybe it's raising healthier sons. I mean, maybe the strongest thing a father can teach isn't toughness, but it's balance. Maybe strength isn't pretending everything is okay. I think strength is showing people how to keep moving forward even when life gets tough. One thing I've learned from fatherhood is that it teaches you quickly that nobody has all the answers. You're going to miss a moment. You're going to make a mistake, you're going to second guess yourself. You're going to wonder if you're doing it enough or doing it right. But then, then there are moments that remind you why you keep going. The hugs, the laughs, the conversations, the memories, the handmade cards, the moments that nobody else understands. Those moments are priceless. Not because they make life easier, but because they make life worth it. I mean, the funny thing is, nobody graduates from fatherhood. There's no finish line. There's no trophy. There's no handbook that guarantees you'll get everything right. I mean, most fathers are learning in real time, making mistakes, adjusting, and growing, and trying to leave their children better than the day before. So before I recorded this episode, I reached out to a few fathers and asked them one simple question: What does being a dad mean to you? And honestly, their answers reminded me that fatherhood doesn't come with one definition, but it always comes with responsibility, sacrifice, love, and purpose. So instead of hearing it from me, let's hear it from them.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

As a 25-year-old dad, um, being a father to me means, you know, being a good role model, showing my kids what it's like to be a man, especially having two daughters, you know. Showing them what it takes to be a man and what they should look for in a man when that time ever comes. You know, that way they're not with some lame ass bum, you know. So just, you know, showing them what it's like to be, you know, a good person, you know. They motivate me to be hardworking, you know, working two jobs, you know, all I think about is my two daughters and what I'm doing for them. Always showing them what's right, what's wrong. You know, I love them to death. You know, kids are hard, they can be, you know, frustrating sometimes, you know, have you going crazy, but they don't know no better. That's why, you know, as a parent, it's your job, you know, to show them the rights, the wrongs. Let them know how life is, you know, what it takes to be successful, give them the keys to success, and just always looking out for them. No matter how old they are, I feel like they're always gonna need me, and I will always be there for them. You know, that's just what I feel like it means and takes to be a parent, you know, man or woman. It's just to always look out for your children, to always be there for them whenever they need you.

SPEAKER_03 16:11

What it really means to be a father to me is uh sacrifice. You gotta sacrifice your time, you gotta sacrifice your wants, you gotta sacrifice your needs for their needs, they wants. I can admit I am a selfish person. I think about me, you know. But when I got them kids, it stopped me from thinking about me. And it started me to thinking about them, you know, because it's them, it's them, it's them. So to me, being a father is just sacrificing. I mean, it's a lot of stuff I could have done in my life, but I put my kids first. So, hey, maybe it'll come to me later on or whatnot, but I know that I did it for my kids, I did it for my babies. But yeah, so that's what it is to be a father to me. It's sacrifice. It's a joy that you get from looking in their eyes and seeing when they enjoy things and when they, you know, living their life and growing and getting older, and you seeing the stuff that you done put into them, and you seeing it coming out, Tim Fall, death, you know, being a father. I love seeing my kids, you know. I got two little ones and I got one that's a teenager, I got one that's grown, and I got one that's not here. From me having one that's not here, knowing that hey, they can be going any day. Yes, boy, they work my nerves. They work my nerves, they work my nerves. But they bring me joy every day, too. Yeah, that's what being a father is to me. Uh investing into building productive human beings.

SPEAKER_04 17:48

Being a father, man, you know, it takes discipline, it takes sacrifice, it takes willingness, it takes um accountability, you know what I mean, discipline, you know, focus. It takes a lot to be a father now these days in this generation. Um back then, I'm gonna say women back then didn't have a problem with the men being a father to their child. But in our generation, as of right now, the women got a problem and it's based on the money. If you're not giving them money, they're not gonna let you see your kid. They're gonna put distance in between you and your kid. And God forbids you get a son that you love. These women is using the kids against us fathers nowadays to get what they want out of them. It's not about the children no more. Me personally, I sacrifice for my children so they know when I'm dead and gone, they cannot sit there and say, my daddy didn't, my daddy wasn't. They're gonna say, I was loved, I have a great father. My father gave everything he had to make sure we had what we needed. You know, I sacrifice for my children. I sacrifice my time. You know, I don't even leave this city because I'm so scared for my children, basically. You know, I do what I can for my children to make sure they have it, but at the end of the day, I do believe I'm a good father. But the way the mother makes it, I'm not a good father. And, you know, we pay child support and still go through the BS with our kids and the women. So for me, being a good father, that's what I do. I sacrifice for mine. But at the end of the day, I don't believe it's easy to be a father these days compared to what it was.

SPEAKER_05 19:45

So to every man listening, to every father listening, to every provider, to every protector, to every man carrying more than he talks about, I see you, bro. The world may not always acknowledge your sacrifices, the opportunities you passed on, the stress you carried, the fear you've hidden, the work you put in behind the scenes, but the results speak for themselves, the children you're raising, the lessons you're teaching, the examples you're setting, the legacy you're building. Bruh, that's the proof right there. So keep going, keep building, keep learning, keep growing, and most importantly, keep your head high. People don't always see the work, but they'll eventually see the results. And remember, make your next move your best move, and always pray before you do. And this here has been the cost of culture. Until next time.